Q: My marriage is really in trouble, and I need your help. About a month ago, it came out that I was having an affair with a woman, and both she and her husband are friends of our family. It did not go on for long, but my wife is ready to leave and feels betrayed by both me and her friend. She says once trust is broken like this it can never be the same. How do I save my marriage, and how do we repair the friendship with the woman and her husband?

A: The good news is, it can be healed, though it takes time and a huge amount of work.

The first thing you need to do is to get it - to completely realize what you have done. You have broken a trust. It's for this reason that I have always disliked the word affair, because it makes it sound like some fun thing without consequences.

It's really adultery, the breaking of a sacred trust. I don't say this to beat up on you, but only to point out that calling it what it is gets us off to a good start toward healing it.

So, you must offer your wife a complete apology.

A complete apology includes an acknowledgment of the wrong done, taking responsibility for wh

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com