I had been dating Pam for a few weeks and during this time I had only seen the tail of her cat as it ran underneath the bed or the futon sofa that she had. He did not seem to be very friendly at all. Pam said it would take a while for him to warm up to me. Just do not expect him to let me pet him or hold him, Pam said, as he is strictly a woman's cat. Having a free day off of work one week when Pam was working, I thought that it would be a nice surprise to have dinner waiting for her when she got home. We had already exchanged house keys, so I thought this would be a special treat for her. I stopped by the grocery store and picked up some fresh veggies and steak, and even a can of food for Leo. Then I ran over to the florist shop to pick up some flowers. Making it over to Pam's apartment, I walked in, fully expecting to see a flash of fur flying under the sofa. Instead, there sits Leo on the sofa, reading the Wall Street Journal, with copies of Money magazine and Fortune magazines at his side! He has a cigar hanging out of his mouth, an open Coors Light on the end table (without a coaster), and he is picking at his ass. He looks up at me as I walk in and wants to know what the hell I am doing there! I came over to cook, I tell him, and I even show him a can of 9 Lives tuna dinner that I brought home for him. Leo: This is bull, where did you ever get the idea that I like 9 Lives cat food? George: Hey buddy, since I am dating Pam, I thought it would be nice to treat her to a special dinner and to treat you to something too! Leo: Let me tell you something Jurge, you are out of your league! First off, I only eat Science Diet Savory Cuts. Second, I do not appreciate you just walking in here without even knocking! Third, you are really an ass in my book, and since I do not know what Pam sees in you, why don't you just stay away? George: Well Leo, I am dating Pam, not you, and that is the was it is going to be unless Pam wants to break it off. Now tell me, just how long have you been drinking beer? Leo: Evidently not long enough to forget about you, you moron. George: Well I am sorry to hear you feel that way, but you'll have to get used to my being around. Tell me something, what are the magazines and newspaper doing here anyway? I have not seen them here before. Leo: I read them in order to keep up with my investments. Like I said, you are out of your league, Jurge. You should try reading sometime! From what I understand, you have trouble getting the jokes in the Sunday comics! Here's one for you, have you ever seen an asshole wrapped in plastic? George: No Leo, I have not Leo: Then pull out your drivers license! And with that, Leo went into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, rolling off of the sofa in the process, knocking over the beer and burning a hole in the futon with his cigar. "Ha, Ha Jurge, I am going to leave this mess here and Pam will think that you did it." At just that moment, I hear a key going into the door lock. Leo grabs his paper and magazines, throws the cigar into the toilet and heads under the bed. If Pam was not worth it, the cat would be history! I wonder if she will believe this story? |
